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persuasive.GIF (1816 bytes)


GOOD ENGLISH IS GOOD BUSINESS

 MBA Essays

Let I never write "metropolis" for seven cents,
because I can get the same money for "city."
— Mark Twain

Problem: Explain Who, What, Where, Why, When, How

You need to introduce the situation, or setting, in the first paragraph Identify the month and year and your responsibilities for F-H at the time this incident occurred.

Our company was going to introduce a new alkaline battery to the market in Sept. 1996, we had a tight budget about RMB 50,000 on that since most of managers thought it’s unprofitable product. I was promoted to assistant manager one month ago and assigned to be responsible for the introduction.

1. When your purchasing manager told you "we" could get a display shelf, does that mean "we" the F-H company, or "we" your department within F-H?

We mean F-H Company, we could get a shelf in the supermarket to display our battery.

2. Was that RMB 10,000.00 a lot of money for FH, a big chunk of the company's budget for marketing? Would spending that money take away from something else in the company? Show the implications by using that figure in a comparative analysis.

In our company, alkaline battery is comparably unimportant, since most batteries are for industry use, and our main consumers are factories. The marketing budget was divided into several places: exhibition and inexpensive ads, besides donation for the supermarket.

3. Who constitutes "our group"? Give each one a name and identify his/her position, so that we can refer to them later in the essay if need be. When you met, how long did the meeting take? Why was the two days before the anniversary a deadline?

Our group is consisting of 3 sales agents (Charley, Mike and Jane) and 2 marketing agents (Rebecca and John) and 1 assistant (Judy) responsible for promotion. One month before the launching, we met in conference room to discuss the details, and brainstorming.  Since the anniversary is a chance for us to get in there,  (In china, the anniversary or ground opening of the supermarket, suppliers always send a flower basket or donate some money or goods for advertising inside the supermarket. More consumers will come in these days. ) so the two days before the anniversary was a deadline. (If this is not a good sample, maybe I can think more of Manchester event.)

4. When you say, "Surely, in light of these considerations, there was one way," did the others agree?

Yes, they agreed.

5. Who was the "we" that did the in-depth evaluation? Same group of 3 and you?

Our group, Charley, Judy, John and I went there.

6. Don't understand what you mean when you say you "decided to donate" –to whom? Are you using the word "donate" in the sense of a gift, an understood bribe, or what? I'm not sure how business is done in China.

7. When you tried to get everyone focused on areas of common ground, how long did that take? How much time did you spend? Did you convene the meeting? Is there a limit to how long you and your associates had to meet to discuss the problem?

It took half an hour to focused in the three hours meeting I convened.

I brought two questions for consumer analysis:

“Who is buying us and using the products?”  We defined our potential consumers to students and housewife using in Walkman and electrical toys. 

What is the buying process? Distribution is crucial at the evaluation stage of the buying process. Battery- the lower involvement product should be readily available, a comparable substitute may be chosen for convenience or immediacy of need.  So we need to have more places to display but not necessary to have a big shelf.  If every small shop has our battery, people are willing to buy it if they are in need, so we should also focus on those places that small and not many competitors like famous brand.

And my group agreed with the conclusion.

8. I like your 8-point numbered list, but I'm not sure how it fits in the context of the learning team having to resolve a problem.

I don’t want to put the list in the context, I wrote it based on my work and marketing book.

During this period of exploring diverse markets, I learned that a creative challenge requires tremendous teamwork and interaction. By boosting morale and strictly implementing the action plan, I led staffs in my department to get everything done. None of us had gone home before 9:00 at night during the month that proceeded launching the new battery. Good communication enabled us to wipe out bottlenecks and increase total efficiency.

PROMPT: We all experience "defining moments," significant events that can have major impact on our lives. Briefly describe such an event and how it affected you. (300-word limit)

The following is an edit to a second draft.

One of the most significant factors that has (have) shaped who I am today is my decision to join XX Capital, a small venture capital firm, after finishing my Bachelor’s degree in chemistry. That was back in 93, and very few of the college graduates went to private enterprises, let alone the risky venture capital industry(business).In pre- [open era] China, entering private enterprise –especially the risky venture capital business- was viewed as sure suicide by my fellow Nanjing University graduates. But my decision in 1993 to join XX Capital, a small venture capital firm in Shanghai, has been one of the most significant factors in shaping who I am today.

Classmates and friends told me that it was a bad idea to choose XX  while giving up guaranteed career progression in a state-owned pharmaceutical company. But for me, it was a chance, a challenge, and a choice. A chance to open my door to the business world and to broaden my view well beyond research. A challenge to survive and succeed in a completely new environment. A choice to diverge from the mainstream path and to fully develop and play out my talents. [nice work, P]

My First, my experience at XX (has) inspired me to pursue my career goal to start and manage my own biotech company. Through my dailyDaily interaction with entrepreneurs and venture capitalists, I have learned taught me  how to set ambitious goals for an organization, attract financial support, build an effective staff, and most importantly, produce results.

My experience atSecond, working with XX (has given) gave me a deeper real understanding of entrepreneurshipwhat it means to be an entrepreneur. The excitement and possibilities of starting a business must yield to intelligent, hard work and thorough preparation.It is so easy to get caught up in the excitement and possibilities of starting a business that many people aren’t well prepared. True entrepreneurs have possess both a detailed understanding of technology understanding and profound business and interpersonal skills, the combination that very few people possesses. [be  careful not to toot your own horn, put yourself above others: let what you do show who you are]This understanding led tohas informed and influenced my series of career choices I have made, (To pursue this combination, I have made series career choices), from a research job at Ligand to a management position at with WBT.

Finally and most importantly, Mmy experience at XX (has) also instilled in mereaffirmed the (an) and strengthened my adventurous attitude towards challenge. Rather than following the set rules, I am willing to[qualify this: I’m sure you don’t take uninformed risks] I enjoy takeing thea risk to find a better way. With this attitude, I left my hometown and came to America. With this attitude, I gave up a stable job to join a start-up compamy.[rewrite to show payoff]

Persuasive Pen
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