GOOD ENGLISH IS GOOD BUSINESS
Personal Essays
If I had more time I would have written less. – Mark
Twain
Four-year schools want to know what makes students tick.
If no maximum word length is specified, the old adage
applies: Give a man enough rope and he’ll hang himself.
To
help candidates craft unique essays I bring the
following experience:
-
Ten years’ experience strategizing, developing, and
editing personal essays required for four-year
institutions
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Twenty years’ experience teaching high school English
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Forty years’ experience reading and grading high
school and university frosh compositions and research
papers
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Five years’ experience teaching English as a Second
Language (ESL)
In some
cases, non-native-English-speaking (NNES) writers
compose better personal statements than
native-English-speaking (NES) writers. In the following
examples, did the NNES student from India have a better
elementary-level education in English than the NES
students from the United States? Do NNES students pay
more attention in class and study more on their own than
NES students? Such questions have no one-size-fits-all
answers.
But one
thing is sure: Adcom reads hundreds and thousands of
personal statements. Therefore, Twain’s wisdom applies.
Time spent with a good editor is time well spent.
Original |
Revised |
|
Lack of education is
the root of poverty. Education provides individuals
with abilities to analyze situations and seek
opportunities. I come from a small village, where
the majority is un-educated, and for generations
they have not tried new things. I have realized that
educational infrastructure and policies are very
crucial for the country’s advancement in
socio-economic development. My village is a place of
about 5000 people, with only a primary school (till
7th Standard). I myself studied at a school from a
nearby village. Many children drop out of schools,
especially girls, because of the lack of this basic
infrastructure. Being the only graduate engineer
from the place, I am the role model for the small
place and I consider it as my duty to help these
people. 128
words |
Lack of education is
the root of poverty. I come from a small village of
5,000, with primary school only until the seventh
standard. Many children, especially girls, drop out
of school because of the lack of basic educational
infrastructure and policies crucial to the country’s
socioeconomic advancement. Education enables people
to analyze situations and seek opportunities. As the
only graduate engineer and as a role model from my
village, I consider it my duty to help my hometown.
79 words |
|
It was a like an
usual Monday morning in the school. The day began
with a History lecture. I was looking forward to
the sports class after the recess. As the bell rang
for the sports period, all of us were excited to go
out to the playing ground. Just then our
vice-principal entered the class to make an
announcement. She was a picture of terror for most
of the students. As she gave the announcement we
came to know that our school was taking part in
inter-school class 10th debate
competition. My friend was a regular member of the
debate team. School was looking for another boy from
class 10th, as the other regular member
of the team was from class 11th. I was
listening the whole announcement with a very little
interest, just then my friend dropped a bombshell
by suggesting my name for the debate team. I had a
fair reputation in representing the school in
quizzes, but standing in front of an audience and
delivering could be the last thing I could do.
Before I could react to the whole situation, my name
was included in the team.
192 words |
As
the bell rang for the long-anticipated sports
period, our class fell silent when the vice
principal entered the room. She was a picture of
terror for most of the students. I was listening to
her announcement about our school taking part in
inter-school tenth-grade debate competition with
very little interest until my friend, a regular
member of the debate team, dropped a bombshell by
suggesting my name as the other tenth-grade boy
needed. I had a fair reputation in representing the
school in quizzes, but standing in front of an
audience and delivering was the last thing I could
do! Before I could react, my name was included on
the team.
112 words |
|
I first encountered
conflict between diverse individuals while on the
varsity football team at S.U.N.Y at Stony Brook. The
team included eighty-nine teammates from various
environments such as the city, suburbs, and
different countries. We quickly realized that
different regions taught various systems, which
caused our views to conflict. For example, my
teammates from the suburbs had a more conservative
philosophy. They were taught to run the football. In
contrast, my teammates from the city were more
aggressive as they were taught to throw the
football. Conflicts arose as we worked hard to learn
and adjust to each other’s styles.
100 words |
The S.U.N.Y. at Stony
Brook varsity football team consisted of eighty-nine
diverse individuals from different cities, suburbs,
and countries. We quickly realized that different
regions taught various systems that brought our
views into conflict. For example, teammates from the
suburbs were taught to run the football while those
from the city were taught to throw it. Conflicts
arose as we worked hard to learn and adjust to each
other’s styles. 70 words
|
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